Lilac & Lotus - Against Myself

Director: Derek Moffat

Recorded, Mixed, & Mastered by Derek Moffat, 608studios.com

Lyrics:

I find it hard
to look back at the past, whiplash
all of the empty choices I've had
I lie awake at night
Wonder what it'd be like
to take my life
make it alright

So even if I try now
to tear my roots off the ground
my history still haunts me
and knowing one day I'll die
So I ask myself, why?
Is this the new normal for me?

So can you give me some peace of mind?
Can you heal all the pain inside?
I've been abused and abandoned so many fucking times
I'm fighting a war against myself
and every time
It keeps killing me slowly inside

I'm tired of waiting to be revived
You can't see it but I'm dead on the inside
Many others have stories like mine
Searching for things that money cannot buy

Peace, solace, an escape route
to destroy every ounce of my doubt
and heal my wounds
to escape this hell

So even if I try now
to tear my roots off the ground
my history still haunts me
and knowing one day I'll die
So I ask myself, why?
Is this the new normal for me?

I'm falling from a fault line
or maybe it's just the fault that's mine


So can you give me some peace of mind?
Can you heal all the pain inside?
I've been abused and abandoned so many fucking times
I'm fighting a war against myself
and every time
It keeps killing me slowly inside

I'm so impulsive, self-destructive
I can't help it, I've made it a habit
I know it's selfish
chasing down substance
I just wanna feel something that's real
That's real

Just feel something that's real
These demons I can no longer conceal
Destroying everything inside

I just need some peace of mind
No more pain on the inside
I've been abused and abandoned so many fucking times
I'm fighting a war against myself
and every time
It keeps killing me slowly inside